My best friend Milly and I were sitting by the fire at 7:00 pm, my sister Gena was inside on her phone, Mum was making dinner and Dad was playing with my dog. Milly and I started to hear mums velvety voice she was getting stressed and scared but didn’t show her feelings, as she was making steak on the BBQ there was a lot of fire! Gena ran to us and told us to run far away from the fire, all of a sudden mum started screaming and dad came running out of the house the whole BBQ was on fire and we had to call the Fire Rescue so we could get help, the fire kept getting bigger and bigger, when they got here everyone got hoses and SPAYED! the fire finally stopped and we all went to my Nan’s to stay the night.
Wow, so much happens in your story, Savanah. There are lots of people involved and you provide lots of detail about what happened, including the time at the start of the story. I like the way you contrast your Mum’s ‘velvety voice’ with the fact that she was getting stressed. I also like the way that you bring the story to an end after all the excitement, by all going to your Nan’s to stay the night. I bet you had a lot to tell her!